i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
