like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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