My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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