i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
