We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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