In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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