I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
