a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
