I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
