Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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