capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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