you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
