I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I am naked and annoyed.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
