Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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