you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got inside last night via doggy door
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
