yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
