Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
