her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
