One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
