I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
