Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
