Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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