I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
