Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
