You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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