i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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