dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
