and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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