So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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