my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
