I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
