THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
