Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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