Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
