when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
