does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
