That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
