Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
