Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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