Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
