I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
