you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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