I cut my penus on the lid.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
