The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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