she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
They have beer where we have blood.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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