I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
