There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
