How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
