Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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