I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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