I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
